You know, I hate pointing this out. But allwell. No one ever reads these things anyway. So here goes.

Ever have that feeling that your life has kinda been put on the back burner and someone forgot to turn the burner on in the first place? Yup, thats me right now. I know how My Love feels. If it were not for her love, I would be at NAU or New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology. But Im not. I could be getting a BA at an amazing school right now while going by my middle name and living a new life because I seemed to have messed up my current one, but Im not. But since Im here my life is put on hold as I try to hold others up. Im stuck living with my parents, living with their rules, going to bed when they say. Im at a job that is destroying my new car, and I still come home with greese stains on my shirt. I still get that, "Oh, it;s so cute when you try to be smart" look from people when I sit and think on a philosophy question. To manny, Im still just the chubby white kid who jokes around. Or the white christian. Or the white wannabe emo. Or God knows what else. I feel as though my wing are being clipped and I'll never be able to fly as high as I could have. But I suppose that is what life feels like when your stuck in a small town with small town ideas when you have dreams that literally are larger than this world. But it's a life lesson I suppose. My best Bro is off at boot. By best friend is at boot. My sister who really isnt my sister has moved away, my big brother like figure (Allan) is sufferign from depression and abuse from his family. My elder brother is going through hell right now, my second brother is having trouble with his life. My dad is fighting for a new job, my mother is stressing over everyone, my little brother wants me to be a big brother to him, while my fiance wants me to be a husband to her. All this happening while I have 4 math assignments due, a philosophy paper to write, an english paper to write, and my job to juggle. People keep wanting from me and taking from me...and honestly all I want is to sit in a peaceful corner of the library, away from everyone, and sit. Write some of my arguments in philosophy and theology. Read a book about the newest discovery in astronomy science. Map out my plans for my larger than the world ideas. And steal a kiss from the woman I love.

But it doesnt matter. Life will go as it will, regardless to what you want or what would be ideal. So I'll sit on the back burner, quietly doing my homework while people fuss around me. In times like these, when I can step back and look at it, when life calms down for me. How easy it would be to go take a nap, then go to work, go home and write a english poem. But what is easy and what is right are very often very very very....very different.


Thanks for the rant. It was fun. Lets do this again soemtime. XP
Everyone I mentioned: Keep in mind I love you all. don't take it offensivly. Just some thoughts I needed out.

I love you Oli.